question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
