I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My pussy is not your playground.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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