If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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