i don't plan on having that self control this summer
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
