You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
