Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
