He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
