Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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