so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
