A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
