I'm pants shitting drunk right now
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
