Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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