I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She's the barista slut.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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