I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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