Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We were destined to go to rehab together
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
