ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
foreskin is a definite game changer
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
