Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
