After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
