Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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