ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
