Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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