i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
