I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
