Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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