my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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