I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
