I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
