I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
