No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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