I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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