he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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