I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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