He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
