2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
