operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
