If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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