so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
