im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
