Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
