I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
