med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
