Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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