My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
