We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
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I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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