mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
