i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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