So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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