I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
