When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
