I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
