Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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