Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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