So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
