mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
