the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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