Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
