Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
