We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
