i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My dick has a subreddit
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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