Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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