I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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