I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
