forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
