The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
