If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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