5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
