I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
