Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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