Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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