I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
