is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
