I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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