he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
