I want to have your abortion
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
