I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
