I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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