So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Even my vagina gasped.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
