32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
