Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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