i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize