AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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